YOU GOT ME ALL KINDS OF F**KED UP

Sup y’all i hope your lives are on slay mode and everything is just peachy. Lets just take a moment to appreciate Beyonce’s new album  Lemonade. Queen Bey takes slaying to a whole other level. And if you are reading this post and you haven’t heard the album please excuse yourself from this universe immediately.

Moving right along from the title of this blog post it is clear im about to tell y’all how some dumbass bitch got me all kinds of fucked up. Last week at around 2 p.m. i got a call from an unknown number. I picked up thinking is one of my many friends who change their numbers every few weeks.

To my surprise it was a girl calling me to warn me to stay away from her man. LOL!! At first i thought it was a prank so i laughed it off and disconnected the call. Now this girl decides to call back again. And this time she had the audacity, the mother fuckin audacity to insult me. Now what she doesn’t know is that im  crazy, im insane im a psycho bitch that is not to be messed with. So i i insulted the hell out of her not giving her a chance to respond.

Now the funny thing is that her nigga isn’t even my friend. I met him once at a friends party and i just said hi and never spoke to him again. So how the fuck would i want someone that i don’t know.This would not be a proper post if i dont describe this nigga for y’all:

1- This boy is a crossbreed between a chimpanzee and an orangutan. Why would i want to be with a science experiment gone wrong. Hello i aint no damn zoo keeper.

2-In the 2 minutes i was around this boy were the most difficult. he is ashy and musty as hell. Mother fucker has never used deodorant in his life. Shit i dont even think he knows what Nivea is. YOH!!! nigga, buy this shiit that was invented a while ago called toothpaste cause the hot fumes coming out of your mouth can wipe out half of Asia. For Christmas i’ll buy you a hygiene care pack (ho-ho-ho-ho- Merry fuckin Christmas)

3-Apart from the nuclear reactor like fumes being emitted from this boy, he was wearing this new trend of the shirts that got holes in them. What i don’t understand is since when does looking like a mad person be seen as fashionable. Y’all are not Kanye West, sit your broke asses down and get a proper shirt. Mother fucker trying to stunt ‘i paid 2k for this shirt’. LIES!!! We all the know its the rats in your house that did you that favour, you ain’t sleek nigga ,you actually look like shiit.

4-Worst of all this boy was faking an American accent. Now what he didn’t know is that every time he spoke, he sounded like a constipated donkey. Legit it felt like an episode of the Nairobi diaries(i wanted to drive a screw driver through his eyes just to make him stop).We are all Kenyans, please lets speak like Kenyans, lets stop this fake accents thing that we steal off cartoon network and the Disney Channel. Take that accent to heaven and even your ancestors shall rebuke you.

Now with all the above mentioned, why would i want this boy. Even if he was the last man on earth i’d rather wait for the aliens to come and take me or even kill myself.Moreover, im not a home breaker. Im sure several ladies reading this post can relate. You get called out for a nigga you aint even about ,honestly its comedic.  nobody wants your man that’s why his with your ass.

(p.s. i aint sorry and if feelings were hurt, boo-hoo, man up)

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2 thoughts on “YOU GOT ME ALL KINDS OF F**KED UP

  1. Once again you slay! Fully S.A.V.A.G.E …. I’m in utter shock! This girl got it all wrong! .. She shouldn’t be blaming you. She should be doing that to her man instead. …. Orangutan! My word! Idk where you got that from but it just killed me! ….. I thrive on shade” and this just topped it!…. KEEP SLAYING!

    Liked by 1 person

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