When i get married..’IF’ that is๐Ÿ˜‚

Over the weekend as i was viewing peoples’ snapstories, you know the ones who actually have a life, i came across one story from my friend and she was attending a bridal shower .This led me to think….how would my wedding/bridal party/bridal shower be like????

To begin with, i would actually be over the moon that someone wants to wife my crazy ass๐Ÿ˜‡.Not to mention they are willing to join into my mentally unstable family.Damn๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿผ

My mum would take over the preparations , being her bossy self but there are some things i personally will have control over.

1.Guest List

This is the one part of a wedding that i personally dont get.How can you invite 300 people to a wedding yet you only talk and like 10 of them.

I dont need them nosey ass aunties coming all up my business during my special day.You wanna gossip about someone, do it in your house.You aint getting an invite.!!!

Just because we are relatives you think you’re getting an invite??..Naah bitch..you’ll watch my wedding from my snapstory, not to mention IG posts.

300 people?? Who is gonna feed all those mouths it’s a wedding for God’s sake not the salvation army.

2. Food

Dont get me wrong, there is nothing i appreciate more than some good biryani, but once you get it on the white dress its a disaster.Not to mention those guests who dont wash up properly after their meal and end up getting their sticky fingers all up your dress.Next thing you know, my dress looks like a toddlers Art homework๐Ÿ˜’.

There shall be an excess serving of napkins or serviettes (if you may).Just a kind gesture to push across the point that y’all need to keep them hands clean.


They say beggars are not choosers, well im gonna be choosy as F. An online thingy shall be created whereby people(my guests) will book what they are gonna get me(im marrying a tech guy, so he’ll deal with that…Lord hear my prayer๐Ÿ™๐Ÿผ) this is to ensure i dont end up with 15 blenders, 10 sandwhich makers, 6 toasters and multiple sets of cutlery๐Ÿ˜’

4.The reception

My reception gonna be LIT..im getting married here.Turn up till the morning light.Now this doesn’t mean y’all (especially the ladies) gonna show up all ratchet and shiit trying to upstage me.Naah bitch naah.

First of all, imma have CCTV cameras positioned at the entrance of the reception venue as well as 2 or even 4 bouncers. If i see you trying too much or being too extra with how you look, i kid you not, my bouncers shall escort you out of the venue.This Is Not A Game mami.

Moreover, imma have tiny ‘bugs’ or mics in each and every table.This is to ensure i listen in on every conversation.Let me hear you talking smack about me and how my dress looks cheap, how my make up looks bad, how my husband isn’t handsome or rich enough.I swear by all that is Holy, i will come at you with a chair.Be prepared to run.Cause you aint ready for the hurricane coming your way.

And if you are talking smack about someone else, imma put your loud ass on a HUGE speaker for all to hear.That should teach you a lesson.Are people gonna get whooped?? Maybe, but it would make killer memories.
Now after learning all this, how many of y’all still wanna come to my wedding๐Ÿ˜ 

if you are, you’ll need to bring your own chair… Uh table…food…music๐Ÿ˜…


4 thoughts on “When i get married..’IF’ that is๐Ÿ˜‚

  1. I will get you a dozen of chill pills as your gift hahahahaha๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚…there better be KFC lol

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I laughed so hard at this lmao.
    When i was attending my aunts bridal shower i tried to stay away from so many people so they won’t even think of fucking kissing mE ON THE CHEEK,,


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