Many of y’all are privileged enough to have me as your friend. And what i say in this post may not come as a surprise to y’all. But for my readers who dont know me personally, get ready to discover IM FRIEND GOALS
1. Im the typpa friend who will call you at any hour of the day or night. If we tight, we talk on the phone so many times in a day. I will insult you if you don’t pick up my calls. Even if its at 3 am, what you doing asleep, bitch naah wake your ass up and talk to me.
2.im the typpa friend that will eat your food and i won’t ask for permission. What is yours, is mine. Even if we order the exact same thing, i will most definitely eat yours as well.
3. Im the typpa friend who will come to your crib and make myself at home. Legit, I’ll take off my shoes at the door,my hijab follows, then i fling my abaya across the room. My hairband follows and thrown to the side or under the couch i really dont know.Even if my hair makes me look like a bush baby, my curls gonna get some air. You are my friend after all, you signed up for this trauma. Now deal with it.
4.im the typpa friend who will make you uncomfortable with my inappropriate humour. But its a good thing im hella funny. I can turn anything dirty, its kinda a talent.Im not really proud of it(JK), but it is quite entertaining. Making someone uncomfortable, their cheeks turning red and shiit. Okay that’s settled im an evil human
5.im the typpa friend who you come to when you’re in distress. Boyfriend cheated? Come to me. Your mum on your case? Come to me. I dont know how i do it, but i have strategies for everything.”Operation kill a hoe, operation smack a nigga, operation slay life” are some of my favourite strategies.And they work(LEGIT), i really think i was an army general in my previous life.
6. Im the typpa friend who will straight up tell you when you look like shiit. I’ll tell you when your make-up looks like the devil attacked your face. I’ll tell you if your breath smells like dog vomit and diarrhoea. I’ll tell you when your outfit is not flattering and it makes you look like a stuffed hippo. Cause i want my friends to always look good. So if you look like a homeless drug dealer. I’ll tell you and not very subtly.
7.im the typpa friend you brag about to other people. Cause guess what? Im loyal and i protect those who i love. Kinda like a mama bear(well i am shaped like one).
8. Lastly im the typpa friend you call up to fight. Whatever time it is, if a bitch needs to be smacked im your girl.If your boyfriend messes up, its aight. We just gonna set his car on fire or maybe even his house. Plus when we get arrested for assault and battery, destruction of property and crimes against humanity;it will make for a good story to tell our grand babies.
As you can tell, im the friend you need in your life.I told y’all, im FRIEND GOALS. For those who are my friends, walk with your head held high,cause you’re the lucky few.
P.s. mid-sems are like a week away and it’s only today that i remembered i left my course texts in the boot of my car. Yap, im really utilizing my tuition. Mum do you hear that, your child is doing so good in school.