Imma need y’all to pretend that I have been a good blogger and that I have been posting every week, okay I think y’all can do that. Now with that outta the way, nothing interesting has happened in my life. The semester ended(with a bang, but that’s a story for another day),the Nairobi sun is still insistent on changing my ethnicity and I’m still contemplating dropping out.Same old, same old.
Now that the holidays are here, I have accumulated a whole lotta scenarios that require judging but since I am a pious child I shall let y’all prosper:
- Walking outta the damn house knowing all to well, you have not come into contact with the cascading waters known as a shower and you aim to achieve human contact you and your stinky self. I should rebuke you and your smelly ass, but I shall let you prosper
- Deciding that you shall flood our Instagram newsfeeds with that face of yours, with those legs of yours, with that batshit makeup of yours. I don’t understand why you won’t just compile them into one, we have suffered enough, the like button is tired oh, it is tired. I should report your pictures but I shall let you prosper.
- After many failed attempts to hang out with me and I finally decide to grace you with my presence and then you decide to make me wait for you, punctuality? What is that eeeehh? Scheeeewped human! I should hold a discussion with your parents as to why they didn’t delay making you but I shall let you prosper.
- Coming to my house and criticizing how my furniture is arranged, how my wall paintings are tacky, how my food doesnt taste nice.I don’t know why you are telling me all this yet you live in a shoe box with no visible furniture, the only seasoning your food gets is the minerals present in your contaminated tap water. I could and should insult you but I shall let you prosper.
- When I let you into my car and you decide to tell me how so and so drives in this manner, so and so usually uses this route, why is your music peculiar, can I change the song I don’t like it, when was the last time you washed your car….. In all honesty I should kick your ass out in the middle of the highway and watch from my rearview mirror how you get hit by on coming cars, I should leave the car and let you drive it yourself while its still moving but I’m trying to get into heaven so I shall let you prosper.
- I lend you money for any purpose you see fit and you have the audacity to promise me refunding. And after this you pretend to be combating amnesia. Im not a petty human but I don’t remember giving birth to you, we did not share the same womb, we are not even in the same blood group, our voices don’t travel on the same wave lengths, but its cool, do your thing, prosper oh money thief prosper.
I promise to be a better blogger I swear, I have more time on my hands now. I should look for a husband as well with all this free time I have…hhhhhmmmm!!!!